Annoyance

Is it too much to ask for your partner to be happy around you? It shouldn't be hard, it should be a given. It feels as though some days I have to make an effort to be extra happy to make up for his lack of happiness. I see him at work being so nice and conversational with customers, which I know is good for the business and he has to do it, but as soon as work finishes he doesn't talk to me and if I try to be happy he shuts me down. Lately I've sort of given up, I'm tired.

I rang him just then from my brother's phone. The conversation went a little something like this:

Him: "Hey buddy, what's up?" (Thinking it was my brother)
Me: "Hey, it's me"
Him: "oh.."

Is it too much to ask for freaking common courtsey?!?! Personally, I find that rude.

Sometimes I feel as though he's angry at me for no particular reason. Why be like that? Is it so hard to be nice? Maybe we're just too comfortable with each other that he feels like he doesn't have to try. Don't get me wrong..he is a fantastic boyfriend. He's everything that I would look for in a partner but it just seems as though I'm not really up there on his list of priorities.

Sigh... I know I said that I wanted to fill this blog with positive and uplifting posts but I'm really not in the mood at the moment. Maybe I'll just fill this things with things to think about. After all, you can't have positive without negative, lightness without darkness and happiness without sorrow...

Awakening

Today I am back to uni after a hefty 3 week long break. My brain feels like mush. An inactive brain equates to an inactive Rose. I've been living too lavishly for the past 3 weeks. Eating and drinking whatever I want. I think it was to occupy my mind, I had nothing to do. I felt so useless. Maybe that's why I chose a career in teaching, because you're constantly stimulated, new situations every single day.

I like stress.

It's what gets things done. I can never do an assignment gradually, I have to do it all in one go, usually a couple of hours before it's due. I know I shouldn't, but it's the only way I get things done. And I do okay.


We had a fun Girl's Night. Despite the bouncer confiscating our bottle of vodka. Oops. The night started out kind of according to Murphy's Law: "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong". Arnie getting man-handled at Universal Bar, vodka confiscated at Brass Monkey, trying to get to Shape, finding Hula Bula Bar instead, just as we are about to walk in there is a city-wide black-out. We concede defeat and head to the place that we all knew we were going to end up at anyway: Metro City. It was a fun night. And girls, if you're reading this i'm sorry, I should of gone home the first time you asked =( I've been feeling bad about it ever since.


That night took me back to my short-lived rebellious legal teenage years. I had a bit too much fun from years 18 to 20. It cost me a lot, lifestyle-wise, friends-wise, innocence-wise and braincell-wise. People always say "if I had a chance to go back, I wouldn't change a thing" Maybe in 20 years this will be my attitude, but at the moment these experiences are still fresh and at the moment, yes, there would be a couple of things I would change, just so that some people wouldn't get hurt, including myself.

But then again...every single thing that I have done, have had done to me, that i've seen, experienced has led up to the person that I am today, and I love me..so I guess all those past experiences are a good thing, because I wouldn't change me for anything (maybe minus a couple of kilos) .. (and nicer skin).

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You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.  ~Leo Aikman

I came across this quote and find it speaks truth. I do know people who just constantly judge and talk about other people. And that's really all they'll ever talk to me about. Sometimes, I get caught up in the moment and share in the judgement and I feel horrible after it. That's not who I am. I call these people Toxic Friends.


And one more quote:

Excess on occasion is exhilirating.  It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.  ~W. Somerset Maugham, The Summing Up, 193

I think I need to work on preventing my Excess becoming my Habit. 

=)

Inspite of the cost of living, it's still popular ~Kathy Norris

Blogging is strange. Some people write their most intimate and private thoughts on these things for the whole world to see, doesn't that defeat the purpose of personal secrets?

But then maybe it's just a different form of therapy. Instead of talking out your problems with a psychiatrist, you just talk to your blog...which is kinda like talking to yourself...which kinda seems crazy and people will probably think you need a therapist if they think you talk to yourself...what am I on about?

But then again it could come down to our egotistic selves. That is one of the fundamental characteristics that has made humans so successful...we are selfish creatures.. we want everything to be about ourselves. Think about when you were a child...didn't you want everything to be about you? But as we grow older we learn that it is good to be selfless and if your are selfish then you are seen in a negative light. But how can we repress something that is so primal and instinctive?

So I'm joining the blogging world because, like everyone secretly desires, I want everything to be about me. This will be my therapy. Of course, I am not like this in everyday life but I think we all need a little escape from the rigours of our daily routines.

I've decided that I'm going to fill this blog with inspirational and things like quotes, books, philosophical conversations that I have with friends so that I can keep positive. I am generally a happy and positive person but sometimes negative people can... not get me down but... discourage me from sharing my optimism, if that makes any sense.

This is getting way too sappy...I'm not usually a sappy person (verbally) ask my friends and partner, I'm emotionally retarded. Because growing up, we weren't a very emotional family. It was kinda unspoken in my family..we all knew we loved each other, but we didn't speak of it. It was strange. Very strange

Anyway... It's a Saturday afternoon and I should be getting ready for girl's night with my dearest friends Anie, Arnie & Linh. We are an eclectic group. We're all very different and yet exactly the same. But more about them later. I will do an entry about each of them. (I actually wrote "i might do an entry" but changed it to will because lately, i've been lacking in drive, motivation, committment and follow-through. Which is not good, not good at all).

So Welcome to my Rose Garden. Where I will be planting, cultivating and harvesting ideas and philosophies =) How corny is that?

So i'll leave you with a quote that I hope will encourage you to take every opportunity and risk that comes your way and live life to the fullest.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me."  ~Erma Bombeck